I am trying to live this life.

This one. My one.

Trying to share it & keep caring.

To accept. Not gripe so much. Pick at little stuff.

Share my space.

Pay my bills.

Use "our" instead of "my" when speaking, writing, thinking, etc.

Just not used to it.

Don't feel as if we have a "we" & can't see us ever having much of one.

Sharing space then.

I fear there is severe dishonesty at work.

Or at least severe denial.

I've gotten too sleepy for paragraphs. Something terrifying about their density & size.

I got to see Rhett Miller @ the Swedish American Music Hall in SF, just over a week ago.

There was much smiling & hooting & he was like six feet from me, smiling & hooting & crazy-legging it up.

Concert season has begun.

Still completely obsessed with the latest Ani offering. I forgot how she reaches in & plays with my soft spots. I sort of forgot I ever had soft spots & she still makes me feel alive.

I'm reading EVERYTHING I can get my hands on. Checking out books from work is rocking my argyles.

Still in heart with my job. The money is nice on top of it.

Karm is moving to Japan.

I envy her courage.

Would give anything for a small taste.

I'm not living in anxiety like I did a few years ago, but I don't think I'm living as much as I was a year ago. I'm sort of existing.

It's starting to wear on me. This just being. There's not too much anymore that's loud about me, the uniqueness seems to have turned tail & is slinking away.

It scares me that I'm ready to settle & then I'll just fade into everyone else.

Can't hardly remember who I am.

I'm not whining, but I don't feel special any more & I'm not wanting anyone to tell me that I am ... thing is, I already know it, just can't feel it.

I want it (the not feeling of my special self) to stop.

:blowing my speakers: Tom Waits ~ Rosie
:feeding my head: Lisa Jewell ~ Vince & Joy
:rotting my brain: Firefly ... SO in love with this, so sad I saw the movie first ... so sad there was only one fucking season!

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