used to be was a part of me felt like hidin but now it comes through" |
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Sunday, Oct. 23, 2005 @ 9:48 am YAWN. It seems as if there's so much to say, but I haven't the inclination to write it all out. Maybe it's dealing with customers all day, but I've become increasingly intolerant of whining people. Right now there is someone who has pissed me off just enough that I don't rightly care to ever speak with them again. It makes me sad to feel that way about them, but it's been almost two years of constant whining & pushing blame onto anyone but themselves & I've grown weary of hearing it. I refuse to fall in love with a person who refuses to give a shit about their own self. Period. I refuse. I've done it before & won't do it again & I've harbored more than a little bit of hope that they would learn, but I'm past worrying about it. I won't out them in a public way, because that's cruel ... let's just say though that I'm only 32 (just had a birthday last Monday & the weeklong party will end this evening with a nice family dinner & cake ... mmmm, cake) & am not ready to give up sex. Settling into a relationship with this person would require me to give up sex for personal reasons on their part which I believe are strongly related to the aforementioned not giving a shit about themselves. Yes, I'm on the tail end of my second year of self-imposed celibacy, but that's not to say I don't ever want to have sex again. Excuse the bluntness, but there's just something about the cock that I enjoy & would be sad to say goodbye to it forever at this young an age. I will feel guilty for feeling this way NO MORE. The saddest part is that I do love this person & feel as if I'm being robbed of something. One of those, "could've been so effing amazing," things. One of those, "if only," things. My least favorite flavors of things to be honest. Aside from that, I've been soldiering on. Through my 14 hour workdays & wild, Guinness soaked karaoke nights. Since I last updated there's been Go Betty Go, VooDoo Glow Skulls, Flogging Molly, Gillian Welch & David Rawlings, Hot IQ's, Northern States ("female Beastie Boys" my ASS, super-super-SUPER-sucked, blech... pthhhhhbt!), & Tegan & Sara (need to stick to singing, they're horrible storytellers & wasted a good 40 minutes rambling about dumb shit). We've been to the pumpkin patch once & are going again today because pumpkins are too much fun. Yesterday I took Suki down to Victory to get her birthday tattoo & it turned out gorgeous! I put mine off for a couple of weeks, once I got in there I couldn't decide & so I'm taking a minute to get it perfect in my mind & to decide exactly where it's going on my body. Haven't heard back about the new job yet, but am hoping to hear something within the next month. I had planned on moving away sometime in mid-spring/early summer, but that's now changed & so I'm guessing I'll be moving down to Chico instead. Time to shower & quit venting in my half-assed manner. Mmmmm, two days off in a row ... it's like fucking Christmas for Poppy. :blowing my speakers: My Morning Jacket ~ Knot Comes Loose (again...again...again)
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