she is haunted by the voices of so many desires she's bent over from the business of begging forgiveness while frantically running around putting out fires" |
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Monday, May. 30, 2005 @ 8:16 pm Welcome to one of the longest weekends in the history of my life. Saturday was my sister's wedding. Everything went beautifully. They got married an hour & a half away, up in the mountains at a spot called Bald Rock in the tiny little mountain town of Berry Creek. The hike to the actual ceremony was a tad hectic, but gorgeous & well over seventy people showed up as she & Bob exchanged their vows on a cliff that overlooked the entire valley. I've never seen a more beautiful site for a wedding. I was her only lady in waiting, acting as Maid of Honor. Maddy, Serenity & Cynthia were flowergirls & Dad gave her away. I'd do it again in a heartbeat, but am SO fucking glad it's over. Yesterday I drank cocktails all day long with Jenny while laughing until our guts hurt at the gift that my sister & Bob got me for being in the wedding & helping out with all the preparations over the last year. I wasn't expecting a gift, but they handed me a yellow box & when I opened it ... there, lying on a bed of tissue paper was my very own cowbell. Beneath that was the best part, DVDs 1 & 2 of Will Farrell's best of SNL. Okay, so they rock for getting me a gift at all & even more so for choosing the one they did! At the moment they're basking in just-wedded bliss on the Mayan Coast in South America. Bitches. I'm home eating leftover wedding cake for dinner (from the best bakery in the Northstate, holy delicious). Basking myself in the knowledge that when (if? hope of that decreases yearly) I ever meet a man worthy of marriage I will go to extreme measures to make it the tiniest, simplest little ceremony ever held. Wedding aside, this morning was a rough one for me. I was transferring some new CDs to the KazooPod when Mom came in crying. Apparently Dad is in a rough place right now. About three weeks ago he had to lay his Harley down when the kid in front of him in traffic decided not to turn at the last second. Dad layed it down & flew over the front, smashing his left mirror as he went, flipped twice in the air & hit his head on a curb ... flipped again & landed standing up in a ditch. It dazed him pretty good, but in all he was fine & didn't even need a trip to the hospital. I guess it shook him up mentally in a bad way though. He told her this morning that he doesn't know why, but he hasn't cared about anything since the accident. He can't bring himself to give a shit. He's not sure why he didn't die & he can't figure out why he doesn't care about anything. So after calming Mom down & promising that I was positive he didn't mean to leave, I went out to look for Dad & we talked for a while. He explained to me pretty much the same thing as he had her. We were both crying & he assured me that he still loves us all as much as ever, he's just looking around at everything they have & wondering why. So much to take care of... the property & the horses & all & having a midlife crisis-ish sort of episode after turning 48 right before the accident happened. I didn't know what to say, but listened for a while & let him know that I understood & I'm here. I can't say what I'd do if my parents ever split up. They're the one thing I've believed in without fail for the past thirty years. There's only one thing I want to do on days like this, one voice I want to hear ... one under the sun who can calm me down to the point where I make sense out of it all & we don't talk anymore & sometimes I still pine for it with every fiber of my being ... days like this when the regrets of some & the fears of others can creep into my empty spaces & expand until I think I'll explode on the spot. I talked to Mom a bit more & then headed to Jenny's in tears where we drank Hurricanes & sat in the sun ... washed our cars & threw toys in the pool for Oonah (who's getting holy fucking ginormous) to fetch. Thank the Goddess for best friends who truly love you & sunny days that truly warm you. Came home feeling better & now I've got some CDs to finish importing & some laundry to hang up & some dinner to make & some relaxation to take advantage of & two little bundles of fur to bathe & some reading to catch up on & then it's back to work tomorrow. Three days off was long & a bit more stressfull than I'd've liked, but it was three days off & I'll take that however it comes. :blowing my speakers: Ani Difranco ~ School Night
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