"when can i say: i don't care about the miles between us"

That being an entry from a fellow Dlander & all I can say to that is ... let me count the ways that you SHOULD care about the miles between you.

I once fell pray to that same fantasy & not to sound bitter, but it is my experience that people pretend easily to be things which they are not.

Pretend easily to care about you when nothing else in their life goes right. When nothing else makes sense & when nothing else curbs their appetite for adventure as much as an unknown & distant lover. Someone who hasn't had to deal with their daily habits or randomly occuring bouts of depression/psychosis/dementia.

Someone who can believe in them completely & never realize that they're an asshole just like the rest of the tools they meet every day in passing.

Egads, brother, save yourself the trouble & adopt yourself a pet. My animals never seem to tire of my ranting about work, life, money (or the lack thereof), family or the opposite sex. Partners do ... especially partners you've never met.

If you aren't willing to take that advice then you'd best hop a plane & meet him/her as soon as possible because they change as quickly & seamlessly as night & day.

They won't remember their promises. Undoubtedly made while nursing their loneliness with a case of Pabst... RUN THE OTHER WAY.

Save yourself.

I never did.

I digress.

Back to normally scheduled programming in which I whine mercilessly about working too many hours with bitchy coworkers & even bitchier customers, blah, blah, blah...

I don't even care.

Ran into a couple of very close, very old friends this evening & drank too much & laughed too loud & refused to apologize for any of it as per usual.

Some stories broke my heart, such as the old friend whose HIV positive status keeps his long term love from making any commitment to him.

Yeah, breaks my heart.

Can't love be love?

Or is that too much to ask?

Too loaded to realize what I'm writing.

Though I had it all layed out before I got home, written beautifully in my mind so that even the bitterest of hearts could recognize its honesty.

I feel like I should be apologizing to the one person who tears me apart without effort every two years.

Apologizing to the one person who comes through for me every day as well.

Why can't I choose between them?

Laying down shall feel so good.

I'm muddled.

The best friend is in town tomorrow & I need her to be & she is & that's all that matters now.

sleep.

now.

:blowing my speakers: 10,000 Maniacs ~ Noah's Dove
:feeding my head: John O'Donohue ~ Anam Cara

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