I heard all day long how today was supposedly the last day. That tomorrow is the end of the world. I wonder how many times it's been the end of the world throughout history? How do people decide upon a day to proclaim as being the end of the world?

My heart woke up & decided it wanted some attention today. It's doing it's odd throb-pounding thing. I'm not full of panic like I was six months ago, but it's definitely an annoying sensation. I feel it everywhere, but mostly in my neck, chest, elbows & belly. A constant throb-pound-throb-pound. It drives me crazy. I try to ignore it.

Eternal Sunshine was perfect. Everything about it completely flawless. I am in love. Everyone should see it. If they don't like it, they should watch it again & give it a second chance to woo them into worshipping it's mastery.

Throb-pound-throb-pound. On top of that, for some reason, I've been chewing my cuticles constantly. Now they're all dry & cracked & they look like hell. I haven't bitten my nails in almost six years. I find myself wanting to stop at the liquor store for a pack of cigarettes too. While I'm out driving. I've been having one here & one there lately, bumming from friends ever since Lush decided he needed to disrupt my slowly mellowing life. They all smoke Camels or Marlboros though, blah, my kingdom for a Sherman MCD.

That boy is just plain bad for me. Just a hint of him can bring all of my long abandoned vices out of hiding. I'm not a fidgeter by nature, but for the past two weeks I've become a fidgeting pro. It's annoying.

Throb-pound-throb-pound.

If tomorrow IS the end of the world, then at least this infernal inner racket will stop.

Maybe I should have a cuppa chamomile before bed tonight. Calm the nervies into submission. Mellow out my psyche to curb any chance of more violent ass-kicking dreams. Maybe last night's dreams are at fault for the throb-pound.

I'll meditate on unicorns & kitty paws & rainbows & Wham! songs before I fall asleep. Perhaps that'll help.

:blowing my speakers: Kathleen Edwards ~ Sweet Little Duck
:feeding my head: last week's Chico News & Review

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