If I could stop listening to this song for a minute I might be able to think straight. If I could stop listening to this song for a minute ... with it's soothing, green lyrics & the safety they bring ... if I could stop I would. Right now I can't. So thought will have to wait.

If you put it on repeat on Itunes ... it flows around & around without any audible seams & ... yeah.

wow.
Breathe.
sssloooooowly.

Another day off. Another evening of too much Guinness & Jager & fish tacos & darts & trying to pry my best friend away from dirty white trash boys with knives in their pockets & hate in their bellies. I worry about her flair for picking 'em & I hope she does better after she moves to Oregon. She's got her first round of testing for the position she applied for up there on Valentines Day. I'm gonna miss her madly. She's kept me sane ever since my crazy year of Lush & Bones shredding my sanity to bits. What will I do without her? After all, she is my heterosexual life partner.

Time to grow up I suppose. Stop this Peter Pan syndrome I've got going on.

Breathing.

I think I took a few puffs off of Roy's cigar last night, can't be sure but my mouth tasted of ass when I woke. Egads we get shitfaced when we're out together & single. I forget to think at times like that. Or I just think stupid things are alright. Like puffing at a cigar. I'm pretty sure I did. Stupid things. Ass mouth. Oi.

"there are roads left in both of our shoes"

Both of our shoes. I'm taking Hannah to see Nanny McFee today & then to shop a little for her birthday, though it was way back on November 1st. Luckily I'm the "eccentric" aunt & am forgiven. When you work all the effing time, shit gets put back. Guess sometimes that's why we work so much ... why I work so much. Put shit back. Way back. So far back you haven't the time to remember how much it hurts. How deeply it runs through you. Pushing shampoo at botoxed ladies with clownlike grins & shiny cheeks stretched tight over their fragile bones. You just sort of put it all back where it stays safe & clean & you smile & hope & smile some more.

"A melody softly soaring through the atmosphere"

mmm.

Wouldn't it be amazing if we were allowed to never put anything back? It's so dishonest.

M E A Nspirited.
heartb r e a k i n g .

I fill my voids with sugarfree chewing gum & music snobbery now & just get older & older & keep my eyes on the night sky because stars are still honest enough to wish at.

Paste hasn't come yet this month. Pissing me off. I see it at the record store & want to buy it ... want to buy it, but know the second I do it will show up in the mailbox & I'll have wasted nine bucks. That's three pints o'Guinness. No wasting that. Oi. Seven pints still in my belly, sloshing about. Need some Cheerios to calm it down.

My hands are shaking & I don't know if it's this song or if it's the Guinness.

:blowing my speakers: Death Cab for Cutie ~ Soul Meets Body
:feeding my head: The Best American Nonrequired Reading ~ edited by Dave Eggers
:rotting my brain: Thumbsucker

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