I've fallen in love with the way my house smells first thing in the morning after I turn on the swamp cooler.

Reminds me of a big summer rain.

Perfectly scrumptrulescent.

James came & visited for a couple of days. The minute I dropped him off to leave though, I missed him & it hasn't ceased yet. I'm guessing this is karma for him missing me so much over the past couple of years, every time I've visited him & left him with unanswered questions & vague promises.

He's been patient as patient can be, waiting for me to find the answer to what it is I want.

It's difficult for me.

I'm all too comfortable with single living. It isn't something that I mind & I hadn't realized I might be lonely until my best friend moved away & left me with some Me-time & it gave me time to think that maybe this is the man I was waiting for & then he came to visit & reminded me of how much I had missed him over the past few months.

Kind & funny & caring & snuggly & silly & mix-tape-skill-blessed & genuinely nice (though bitter, cynical & cranky-pants as well so as not to be too fucking boringly perfect) & open to my habit of ranting & didn't mind that I was dead tired & easily annoyed & wearing my own pair of cranky-pants when he first arrived & he even put up with (not to mention enjoyed the company of) my crazy, hippie family all day Saturday while I was off working a double-shift.

Plus I can't help but love the little sighs of contentment he makes when I run my fingers through his beard.

Now if only I could get him to wax that back of his ... tehe.

A woman can dream can't she?

Work is going, life is going ... trying not to get completely freaked out by the amount of bills I have to pay in comparison to the amount of money I'm actually bringing in (they are grossly disproportionate I'm sad to say) & looking forward to next month when I'll receive raises at both jobs. Every little bit will help.

Squealing audibly already in anticipation of Death Cab for Cutie / Spoon / Mates of State on August 10, Lucinda Williams & Lou Reed are both coming through Chico later this year (can't effing wait for those) & Frank Black is going to be in Sacto at the same club where we saw The Eels a couple of months back ... looking forward to that one immensely.

Have become an obsessive listener of the new live Counting Crows album New Amsterdam. Such a gorgeous version off Goodnight Elisabeth ... Adam's voice ... man, no words to describe. There was some closure achieved with Lush this time, something inside of me has decided that the best man has won & I'm not quite so melancholy as I had been for the past few years about it all.

Clinging so tightly to what we are sure is our Destiny usually just leaves us with a narrow mind when it comes to other possibilities.

I can't say I'm sure what life will be for me now, but I'm confident that it won't involve him or his memory even a fraction of what it has up until now.

That leaves me proud, as if I've reclaimed my smiles & they come easier lately (without the help of jager).

Have decided that instead of busting my ass four days a week with 14 hour days, I'm going to forego days off for a bit & take a couple of eight hour shifts at the part-time job each week.

Things are going alright.

I can't WAIT to go out tonight.

:blowing my speakers: Counting Crows ~ Goodnight Elisabeth
:feeding my head: latest issue of NYLON
:rotting my brain: first season of Buffy

<< :: >>