I'm going back to Colorado Springs in just under a month. This time though I'm going by plane... it'll be my first plane ride... ever. I've got butterflies already. Everyone swears I'll be alright & I believe them, but that doesn't calm the fluttery guts. Going to visit James & hang out & play some Mrs. Pac-Man & yeah, that's about it. Should be nice though. My first vacation in over a year. Paid at that. Lovely reward for working my arse off over the past twelve months.

Life continues & my Charlie Brown complex doesn't seem to lighten at all. Still flip-flopping between here & there & this & that & you or you & when & how & why & all of the rest of it. Not minding though. Easing back into something similar to ordinary, at least for me, ordinary ... why not? All of the holidays were exceptionally swell around here. There was family & friends & plenty of wine & Guinness & song to go around. I got everything I could possibly want & lots of stuff I didn't even know I needed (including a talking Mr T keychain) that I cannot now live without.

Still going strong at both jobs, though I've been easing up on the bitterness & trying to make the most out of my ability to work hard & still play hard & then relax even harder. Playing a lot of darts for the first time in a long while & forgot how much I dig it. Have a crush on a customer, makes me weak in the knees ... he's got the Jack Black about him & my heart pounds clear through the front of my shirt every time he comes in. Pounds so hard that I hear the ocean in my ears & the roses bloom in my cheeks & I'm afraid he'll hear & see them too. It's so sixth-gradesque. I could giggle & swoon. Feels alive.

Alive is grand.

Reconnecting with old friends makes me smile. It's happened a lot lately. Mostly through the power of MySpace. Been a member for over a year & a half now & all of a sudden in the last few weeks I've been messaged by numerous faces from the past requesting get together time & I'm all for it. Haven't seen some of them for ages & reminiscing should bring about more feeling alive.

Feeling alive rocks.

October before last I let Him drain my passion away for the last time & autopilot took over & I'm not sure if it was on purpose or if it just happened but I suppose it was a defense mechanism & lately I feel more like the me I used to feel like & it's pretty nice. To feel like there are things I want. To blush, or to laugh all whole-heartedly with my belly & to just be goofy & random without realizing that all seriousness has drained away & been replaced by something less stodgey.

Less stodgey curls my toes.

Hoping & wishing you're all doing well. I try to write, missing that part of me, the part that loved it & needed it... most times though I just read through once or twice & get stuck & close the page & go away from the computer. Everything I used to love came through here & I'm trying to find love elsewhere. Like in that amazing sunrise this morning that reminded me how much I adore early morning coffee & frosty edged windows & the gnarled, nekkid skeletons of Valley Oaks in Winter.

Remembering to notice is rad.

:blowing my speakers: Patty Griffin ~ Florida
:feeding my head: Nick Hornby ~ Long Way Down
:rotting my brain: Eternal Sunshine ... again, i forgot some things & it reminded me

being reminded is necessary
being reminded is beautiful

<< :: >>