You'd think I might have a minute to update my diary now & then, but truth is there is SO MUCH going on right now I don't know how to sort it all out.

Five weeks from now I'll be somebody's wife. Me. The girl who swore against marriage for 34 years, gets a butterfly filled belly when thinking about taking his name on the first of November.

I found the perfect dress (something I thought would be impossible, but the minute I put it on Sarah & I just looked at each other & nodded our heads).

I found the perfect bridesmaid dresses (burnt orange with a gorgeously gathered bodice & square neckline & the cutest little cap-sleeves I've ever laid eyes on).

We found the perfect cake (square tiers, chocolate cake with espresso butter cream & raspberry preserves from my favorite bakery The Upper Crust ... Chucky picked the embellishments for it & it's going to be beautiful).

We found the perfect wedding bands (white gold & diamonds for me, steel & diamonds for him).

The flower girl dresses are lovely little numbers with Fleur-des-lis & mocha ribbon.

The invitations came out incredibly (which you know if you received one) & Chucky's artwork was perfect. After they shrank it down a little to make it fit, the colors just popped right out of the page. I can't wait until he tattoos it on my right shoulder this coming weekend. My ink collection is seriously growing. It's too amazing to have these creations of his upon my skin. Oi, I love love!

There is still SO MUCH to do however.

I have this huge list & only FIVE weeks to finish it.

What the hell was I thinking going back to work full time as co-manager at the @venue three months before having myself a big old traditional wedding? Well, I was thinking that the extra money might come in handy, but the truth is that I'd rather have the extra time right about now.

I'm not worried too much though ... it's going to be gorgeous ... I just know it.

We're doing all of the decorating with pumpkins & fall leaves & cornucopias & brown glass. The boys will be wearing black tuxedos w/ burnt orange embellishments & I can't wait to see Chucky all dressed up waiting for me at the end of that aisle.

I feel like a dumb ass, but I swear I waited my whole life for him. I wish I had found him sooner & maybe not wasted so many years with losers & go-nowhere boys as I did. I do realize though that everything happens for a reason & spending four years with a partner who was physically incapable of intimacy & mentally incapable of telling the truth even seems like a blessing because now I've got this man that makes me FEEL.

I smile so much & laugh as well & giggle & guffaw & chortle & basically feel like a total tit most of the time because just laying on the couch watching a movie together or walking through Target holding his hand I feel like the luckiest girl on earth. It helps that I know he completely reciprocates the feeling.

I will post so many pictures once the day comes around, but right now he's laying in bed without me & I feel the urge for some serious snuggling coming on.

:blowing my speakers: Ella Fitzgerald ~ I'm Just A Lucky So-&-So
:feeding my head: Latest issue of BUST
:rotting my brain: Lost

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