I've been waiting for things to come to a head. You know how there's that inevitable catastrophe looming & you know it's going to bruise ... perhaps not you, but someone is going to come out on the other side of it beat to shit & you've stopped pretending that you care.

I can't say that my life is out of control. For me, it's actually very structured ... but that's not ME.

If you ask me right now what I'll be doing next week @ this time, chances are I could tell you & that is not ME either.

If I tell you that I'll be sitting on my couch, watching television ... dreaming I'm somewhere else ... would you believe me?

I listen to a lot of Ani Difranco lately. She's reminding me at a time when I need some real reminders. She puts an edge on my mood that has been missing for some time. A little bit of daring to my do. She makes me want to be pissed off. I can't think of many reasons to be pissed off & that in itself is enough of a reason for me to be pissed off.

Where has Poppy gone & who is this patsy that's replaced her?

So I drive a lot in the new car & I let Ani scream in my ears & grind some feeling into my bones with her crunchy-chuggy guit-fiddling & I wish for shooting stars whenever I look up because I can't remember the last time I saw one.

I always make the same fucking wish. But it's the thought that counts & I've got to have a tiny bit of hope left inside. At least enough to bother making that same wish one more time.

& the Counting Crows have a new album coming out in November & the first song that's been leaked from it is the motherfucking best I've heard from them since their second album & hearing so much passion injected back into their music & pouring from Adam's heart ... GOD it's gorgeous & well it's possibly exactly what I need to bring back some passion of my own.

:blowing my speakers: Counting Crows ~ Cowboys
:feeding my head: Zadie Smith ~ On Beauty
:rotting my brain: My Name is Earl season 1, Lost season 1

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